Zazzle.com week 3

So just an update on zazzle.com. So far I have about 6-8 different designs on there and have so far sold nothing.. I think I may need to do a little more work on my designs. So far they are just simple characters in a sea of other characters and knock-offs. I think I may need to get a little more nitty-gritty.

Dadd'ys first weekend alone with the baby

My lovely wife decided to take our older daughter on a little trip to attend a friend's graduation in another city. How bad could it be? We would go to the mall, cruise for chicks, teach junior how to be a lady's man. THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

I decided to do a quick illustration to showcase my lovely first weekend alone with my son. It went a little something like this....

 

 

What i really wanted to say is: "WHAT?? Babies LOVE graduations! How am I going to have fun when you're all out of town if I have a baby??? " But I didn't..... :(

  

He may not have ACTUALLY been flipping me off, but I could tell he would of, if he had the necessary control over the movements of his fingers.

 

Alright.. time to teach junior how to scope out the ladies.

 

/fun

 

 

   

 

It was my wife.. The conversation went like this:

ME: HELLO?

Wife: Hey! How's it going?

ME: WE ARE COVERED IN POO!!!!!!

Wife: What?

ME: WE WERE IN THE MALL AND IT JUST STARTED HAPPENING, AND IM COVERED IN POO!!!!!!

Wife: Don't get mad at me, I didn't do anything..

ME: I'M COVERED IN POO!!!!!!!!! GOING TO STORE FOR WIPES!!!! GOOD BYE!

Wife: ugh, goodbye!

That about sums up my weekend. Covered in poo. We stayed inside the remainder of the weekend. many more poopy diapers, but they all miraculously stayed contained in the pampers.

Playstation Network's temporary release of my soul

So, I've been getting a LOT of stuff done lately, and its mainly due to the fact that the PS3 Network has been hacked and I'm forced to convert back to the stone age and entertain myself. WTF? All of a sudden dropping cable to go balls to the wall on my "super dependable" PS3 doesn't seem as smart. I dropped cable about 4 months ago and picked up Netflix streaming video for the PS3, Hulu Plus for the PS3 and a New online game to pass the time with friends online.. Oh wait.. What's that sony? You're making it so ALL OF THAT IS COMPLETELY USELESS? That's cool.. No biggie. I'll just....sh*t. What do people do after their wife and kids go to bed at 9pm if they don't have tv, video games, or movies? My wife quickly stopped me when I said, "I'm going to the bar, they close at 3am". What does she want me to do? Read a book? NOT BLOODY LIKELY. (said in my best australian accent). So.. naturally I go downstairs and draw. SUPER.. I've always said there is never enough time. WISH GRANTED.. DAMMIT!  So anyways, I was super excited the PS3 was "back" tonight. Meaning, they flipped a switch and hoped some sort of fairy goshdamn magic happened.. It didn't. I still can't get on and I'm back in the basement drawing, LIKE A BOSS. Thank you PS3 for granting me all this unwanted free time to actually get some work done. And by "thank you," I mean "GIVE ME BACK MY ONLINE TIME DESTROYER YOU *#@!ing *#$hole M*#@$R *#@$ers.

Time to try zazzle.com

In my epic journey to become a self made wealthy stuck up bastard, I've decided to buy a BMW.. HA.. Just kidding..  Ef that. That would be dumb. I've decided to upload some of my witty, charismatic, lovable artwork to zazzle.com. The site where you upload your own designs and hope someone randomly decides your drawing of a lizard drinking a margarita while wearing a sombrero is JUST WHAT HE NEEDS FOR HIS FLOAT TRIP!!!!....And you earn $2.. (Or something like that. I'm still not 100% clear on how it works.)

Well, I uploaded six images the other day and so far.......(drum roll)....nothing... SH*T!!.. I think I may need to up my game. I'm going to take the other 1000 or so images I have in my own little stock art library and upload the whole shebang. (side note.. I had NO idea that is how "Shebang" was spelled.. thank you auto correct). I'm on a mission of awesome to see if I can make money putting my own crap on t-shirts sold by someone else.. I'll keep you updated on the progress.

*lizard not actually on zazzle.com.. 

Sorry for the let-down.

Istockphoto.com screws up again. And screws contributors in the process.

As a starving fat artist,I dabble in selling images on royalty free type sites as istockphoto.com. This year they have already decided to increase their profits by taking more of the artist' royalty percentage. Everyone b*tched and moaned, but stock pretty much said, "Suck it, B*tches, we do what we want." Throw in some disrespectful forum moderators, taking away people's once given ability to upload to Getty image while being exclusive contributors, add in what the call "the agency collection" which is going against istock's own beliefs and you got yourself some plain old fashioned douche-baggery.

That sucks right? Oh wait.. Let's add in the new cute thing istock just decided to pull. Apparently tons of purchases were made of people's files on istock recently with a stolen or fraudulent credit card. Sucks for istock right? Hell no, hahahahaha. They ripped that money out of people's account faster than you can say "wooyah, I just got a download!!" So after stealing money from our accounts, the sent a "Hey we took your money blah blah blah, tough sh*t." Aren't the insure against such things you ask? Apparently not. Shouldn't they be held accountable instead of the contributors you query. Surely you are mistaken. They are but a humble start up company with no one to answer to care about apparently.

So istock.. You are now officially lame. Pat yourself on the back, you thieving gypsies.
See this in action link

How to create custom birthday cards AND not do what your wife wants at the same time!

As an artist, everytime there is an event that needs any type of signage, logo, website, or whatever, I am automatically volunteered for the job. That's fine most of the time. Some times, however, I like to be as big of a pain in the ass about it as I can. This weekend, my wife went to visit her sister and took the kids with her. HELLZ YEA! DAY OFF WITH NO KIDS! YES PLEASE! But wait... "While I'm gone, will you work on your son's first birthday card? We need to get that done." DAMMIT! Fine. "It's monster themed, so remember that." OHHH.. I like monsters.. This may not be as bad as I first thought. Matter of fact, it could be fun. So I went the extra mile and  did a few versions so she would have options. Here Is what I came up with.

Version 1:
Dark Monster theme. Pop culture monster theme. Seems to fit the bill.

Version 2:

Simple yet rebellious monster.

Version 3:

A real monster. Seemed logical to add this one.

I can't wait to see which one my wife pics. Spoiler alert: she won't pick any of these and I just completely wasted 3 hours of my day.. Totally worth it.

Stuffed Animals with Mental Disorders (I want the whole set)

I can think of a few toys they are missing, but maybe with time they will be added to the pack.

Click here for the site.