Lindora Diet from a man's view day 3

I'M PREGNANT! Or.. Agnostic...Or something... I've just been told this morning I have to p*ss on a stick. If it turns purple I'm in "starvation mode" or something like that, which is supposed to be good? I couldn't do it under the pressure. So, I HAVE to do it tomorrow apparently.

I'm on day 2 of my protein only diet.. Get this.. Its Lent.. I'm not supposed to eat meat today.. But.. According to the Diet, I can only eat protein.. Which is mostly meat. EXCEPT STEAK APPARENTLY! But we won't get into that right now.

Anywho.. I can't eat anything but small mouse sized chunks of protein. But I can't eat meat. DON'T WORRY.. I know you were worried..don't lie. My wife bought a bunch of nasty tasting protein/non meat things. She made us hot chocolate protein shake concoction last night. I poured it down the drain as fast as I smelled it. Shhhhhh... don't tell. Then there are these weird looking uber chewy protein bars.. I'm 99% sure its just soggy newspaper. So.. Instead of actual food I will get to eat these things. All day.. I will say though, I scrambled one plain egg for breakfast. I'm not sure if I was supposed to, but I put a little garlic and pepper on it. Just like a pinch. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN JUST A PLAIN EGG? It sucks! DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!!!!

But I digress. I did not have a headache last night, but I do have one this morning. I'm pretty sure I can taste my stomach. I don't even know what that means, but I don't think its good. I went on an hour long walk with my pitbull Spartacus. While we were out we stopped too muggings and a robbery at a convenience store. When asked by the police how I found the strength to do all this just mere minutes apart, I said, "I was just trying to get shot so I didn't have to eat another turkey burger." We then all laughed, gave appropriate high-fives and I went on my way.

Ok.. Maybe that didn't happen. Maybe I was walking my 19 lb Corgi named Sugar. Its hard to tell. Its all kind of fuzzy.  I do remember thinking during our walk, "What G.I. Joe name I would give to a German Shepherd if I had one?" Then I remember someone telling me about a large male dog at the dog park that was humping everything with its wang out. Then I decided if I was going to have a big dog it should be a girl (less wang that way). But then I realized that all the G.I. Joe girls were stupid and this wouldn't work at all. It was a good thing I worked through all that before getting a German Shepherd. What a mess that would have been..

What was I talking about?

AH.. It seems my lack of real food makes my brain unfocused and.... OHHHHH Look.. I found a quarter!!!!! Anyway, about G.I. Joes.. I used to play with them...Dammit. I did it again.

So, My starting weight was 260 lbs.
I have lost 7 lbs in the last 5 days.  I guess that's good. I know nothing about health, wellness or nutrition, so I'm going to say its badass and I should get a Big Mac as a reward... Oops.. Just got a call from my wife. Apparently as a reward, I'm getting another soggy newspaper bar of poo. YAY!!!!!!
23 days to go.. If I don't make it, bury me with a 24 pack of Cherry Coke (if they still make 24 packs) and a foot long meatball sub from Goodcents. With spicy jack cheese, oregano  and parmesan. Ohh. And some twizzlers Pull-and-Peel.