Design by committee

As we all know the best way to come up with a good idea is to have a dozen or so people give their opinions and then create a work of art that accommodates EVERYONE'S ideas and wants. WHAT COULD GO WRONG! I admit, sometimes a drawing turns out better after 50 revisions. But 99.9% of the time, I'm ashamed of what I've created and have to shower to wash off the ick. Then I have to make up a good reason why I won't include this particular piece in my portfolio.. "OH no, its cool... I don't want to confuse people. I want them to acknowledge this as 100% YOUR idea. It just seems more fair that way." What I really want to say is: "I don't want that Frankenstein of a disaster anywhere near my name or anywhere people might see it or possibly assume I had ANYTHING to do with it. BE GONE!" Then, I'll actually get angry when someone sees it and says, "I like it." NO YOU DON'T! It sucks. Shut your dirty, dirty mouth. It was good, now it is not. Don't encourage it.

Example. Not a real work, that would be wrong to post something I really did.. Right?

Hey Guy, I love your work.. Can you design a cute simple cartoon cow for our company? We love your style, so whatever you come up with would be fantastic I'm sure.

ME: Yea, ok.. What do you think of these options?


WOW! Great work. These are better than we could have imagined, we are going to look them over and get back to you. Again, fantastic work.

4 hours later: Hey, we got are looking them over and the CEO thinks we should take the head from A and the body from B and combine them some how. How soon do you think you can do this?


ME: Sure, no problem. Here it is, let me know what you think.

Again, Fantastic. Exactly what we are looking for. One small tiny thing. Can we add udders? Steve our janitor says that his little cousin thinks udders on cows are funny?

ME: Sure. I can do that.. What do you think?

WOW..  You nailed it!!!! I can't possibly find a way to make this better. ALTHOUGH. Timmy and Theresa from accounting think he needs a t-shirt with our company name on it. Can you do that really quick? Also.. Jerry from the legal department feels like the udders make him too feminine. Can we make his horns larger to show that he's a boy. I don't want to get rid of the udders because the proofreaders laughed a lot when we showed it to them.

ME: Why the F*** not.

GREAT STUFF. We are 99% done. The last TINY thing is, can we make him less happy? He just seems TOO happy. Maybe a smaller smile?

ME: No problem. I personally hate happy things anyways.

ME: There!! Run this through HR and see what they think about THIS!

Um... Hey, we actually decided to go a different direction. We will definitely think about you for future work though...So, be expecting that phone call.

ME: Yup.

THE END.