Lindora Diet from a man's view day 1 PART 2

So its my first day of this diet, but several days of giving up soda. Beautiful caffeinated soda. The only really happiness in my otherwise sh*t filled day. So.. Its almost 3 o'clock and I'm fighting off the urge to reply to emails with "Dear f*cktard". I don't know if everyone is particularly deserving of a good face punch today or if its the diet absorbing every last ounce of my inner, more understanding/tolerant self. This diet is officially stupid and I hate everyone. So..so far, we are off to a fantastic start. WOOHOO.. Oh.. My wife actually informed me at lunch this is still technically a "cleansing day" and the real sh*t starts tomorrow. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! Someone please hide the sharp objects. MORE TO COME...

Lindora Diet from a man's view day 1

So, after countless "You need to lose weight. You're blood pressure is too high. Death imminent" conversations with my voodoo of a magic-man doctor, I have decided that ok... Maybe I can stand to lose 20-30 pounds. Naturally the first thing I thought, was a penal-reduction surgery. Amiright? High-five.. Just kidding.. That would be a tragedy.

So.. after much nagging conversation with my wife, she convinced me to try the Lindora Lean for Life Diet plan. I've seen her do it and lose 60 pounds after each kid we've had. I've also seen her eat lots of spinach lettuce, broccoli and almonds. So.. Based on that information I immediately chose death by heart attack as the best route to go. She then convinced me that I wouldn't have to eat that garbage like some sort of sad turtle stuck in an aquarium praying that I choked to death on one the almonds given to me by my captor. Putting me out of my unnatural existence in a glass box. Poor effing turtle.

Anywho.. She said she can make it work for me and find foods that work for me. Then she said something about 3 days of cleansing.. which I guess I've did yesterday with a Rally's double cheesburger, spicy fries and a half hour on the toilet afterwards.

Now today.. The first day of the rest of my life. I am ordered to drink more water than any single person ever should. Matter of fact, if I die of watertosis, I want everyone to know I was forced to do it against my will. For the next 28 days, I will drink WAY too much water, have something called "Protein days" which I imaging is my wife making me steak 3 times a day.. Right? Hellz yes. I can do that one. No soda, low carbs, and tons of other trendy diet lingo.. I can do this. Only 28 days.. Bring it on.